I wrote this sometime near the end of 2005, so the date is pretty much a guess.
Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it like all the rest..

As children, we are all happy
At such a young age, everything is so…
So… So awesome, and so wonderful
We find the joy and wonder in everything…
But, you’ll find that we all reached an age,
The age we lost our amazement in life…
Everyone lost something of themselves as they aged
Everyone lost something of their soul as they grew
We spend our remaining lives searching for it
We elect others to assist us in our search…
But noone can help us find what we lost…
Other people will only prevent us from finding it
The secret to all of our misery is that we are not alone
And the answer is this:
Alone we can find our souls…
Alone we can find our happiness…
Alone we can find what we once lost…

Over the years of the past
And the dawns of time
Think of the wonders of the world
And the awesome of nature
And realize that they have all been lost

History has been recorded
Jotted down quickly
Transcribed meticulously
But then erased
And then sometimes rewritten

The truth of the past
The honesty of the pen
The sincerity of voice
And the meaning in imagery
It is all too unknown

The facts remain burried
And the truth hidden
But what will always be true
Is that noone will ever know

I chose to move back with my mom in Davis.
I now feel lost in a place now alien to me…
However, I did grow up in this town,
It seems things have changed and I know noone…
I spent such an effort forging friendships throughout my life,
And now I know where they lie…
I feel lost in this temporary home…
Even though I’ve only been here a short time,
With my daily visits to Sacramento,
The fact is…
The only place I will ever call home is Sacramento,
And the only real friends I have, are those I have forged so recently,
And those that I can expect to be my chosen family.

Will anyone notice when I leave?
Will anyone write while I’m gone?
Will anyone miss me?
Will anyone long for me?
Will anyone care that I’ve left?
Will anyone try to visit me?

Sometimes I find it difficult to wake up alone
And see that there is no one out there for me
As time passes by it tends to go more slowly
Daily being reminded that when I go home
Again I must spend my nights all alone
I no longer can find the energy to wake up
And I can no longer find the strength to sleep
I’m watching the world around me go crashing down
All because I cannot seem to function without being needed
Or maybe because I need someone to function
Yet I care not to go through all the bull shit
This world seems to offer nothing but pain
And ridiculous games that I care not to play
Day in and day out I keep wonder what is the point
And how long can I go without playing
It’s a stupid game that I don’t even want to play
But it seems that I cannot be happy unless I do.

Fears outlast my breath at night
Keeping my dreams filled with failure
Covering my eyes of my true abilities
I am beginning to loose my confidence in life
And starting to believe in an inevitable failure

It seems that I am still plagued by thoughts
Everyday I realize that none of this matters
It seems that I am preoccupied by my new plots
Everyday it feels like my life shatters
Further down into absence I go
Wondering constantly what I should be doing
With each day it seems my mind will show
That in life, no matter what, I am loosing
It seems that I am always fighting
Everyday to find out what is my destiny
It seems that I constantly wait just siting
Everyday to waste away in my own pity
Realizing that inevitable I shall be alone
And destined not to see any happiness
Maybe, for just a moment in time, I could find some
And maybe I will have the light I need to be shown…

Minds of great power
Will yield amazing results
Only if we try

It occurs to me that life is a struggle,
One where we constantly strive to find ourselves…
Occasionally we do find ourselves…
Then as quickly as we realize who we are,
It can be torn away from us,
And make us feel lost without identity.

I, at one point, knew exactly who I was…
Or so I thought…
Now that my life has been ripped from me,
And the wounds are beginning to heal,
I now realize, that I never knew who I was.

In my efforts, throughout the past cycles of time,
I have found that who I am,
And who I have be striving to become,
Is not, in any way, who I want to be.

The world has many riches and mysteries…
All of which I have decided that I must witness.
I am so familiar with this world I know,
And because of this I must leave.

I have been sheltered for so long…
This closed square box has kept me from living,
And in order to live, I must discover, for myself…
That the world is neither flat, nor round…
The world is a multitude of shapes and sizes that cannot be seen…
At least not from here.

We spend our lives with a special time about us
Every time that time arrives, we are happy
But after time, that special time looses it’s glory
And eventually it just dies like the rest of time
Not that I no longer look forward to my time
Just the times as of late,
It seems that my time isn’t special anymore